Gainesville Interfaith Forum
A Presentation on Gratitude
By Herb Oberlander
B'nai Israel - November 24, 2009
"Modeh ani lefonechah…" So, begin the first words of a Jew's morning prayers. "I am
grateful to You, living, enduring God, for restoring my soul to me in compassion."("Siddur Sim
Shalom") This is followed with an expression of gratefulness: "for the gift of our body", for the "Gift
of Torah" and for the "gift of Compassion." The morning prayers continue with these words:
…"Strengthen our desire to do good deeds….May we find grace, love and compassion in your
sight and in the sight of all who look upon us…Grant us a full measure of lovingkindness. Praised
be you, Lord who bestows lovingkindness upon us."
Notice that in these prayers said daily by observant Jews, there is an emphasis not only
on what we receive from G-d that directly benefits us; the gift of life itself as we awaken to a new
day but also, most remarkably, the gift of compassion. Our prayer book is replete with prayers of
thankfulness, and yet it is the plea to "strengthen our desire to do good deeds" that stands out to
me.
I never fail to be in awe of the words of Isaiah(57:14-58:14), which are chanted at the
conclusion of the Torah service on Yom Kippur the Day of Atonement, traditionally a day of
fasting. "Is this the fast I desire, a day for men to starve their bodies? Is it bowing the head like a
bulrush and lying in sackcloth and ashes? Do you call that a fast, A day when the Lord is
favorable? No, this is the fast I desire. To let the oppressed go free; to break off every yoke. It is
to share your bread with the hungry, And to take the homeless into your home: To clothe the
naked. Then shall your light burst through like the dawn and your healing spring up quickly".
(Adapted from "Etz Hayim")
What do we learn from these daily prayers and from the Prophet, Isaiah? I believe that
we learn to be grateful for the capacity to have compassion on others and to do deeds of loving
kindness; and that this, in turn, will result in our own healing. In harmony with this theme. Rabbi
Kaiman shared with me a wonderful book written by Rabbi Henry Glazer, a congregational rabbi
for many years, who now serves as a hospice and hospital chaplain. He entitled his book "I Thank
Therefore I Am: Gratefulness as Healing." Glazer's title is an acknowledged take-off of "I think
therefore I Am." The original statement by the philosopher, Rene Descartes, attests to our
acceptance of our own existence, that if we can ask the question, we must exist.
Rabbi Glazer's formulation refers not to our existence, but to our humanity.
"Gratefulness" is at the core of what it means to be a human being, and, in fact, we can only feel
complete and whole if we engage in acts of compassion. That is how we express "Gratitude," and
we are grateful for being able to do so.
Now I would like you to consider whether we can or should equate expressions of
gratitude with acts of lovingkindness. Dr. Wendy Mogel ("Gratitude-Attitude"Jewish-Holiday.com)
suggests that in the Jewish tradition there is a priority of "deed" over "creed." That is, "doing the
right thing is more important than feeling the correct feeling"….But our tradition also asserts that
beginning with morning prayers one should offer blessings and thanks to G-d 100 times per day.
Dr. Mogel asserts that "Giving to others can also be a way to acknowledge one's blessings. In
Judaism everyone is supposed to think of themselves as having more than they need. (Thus)
even the poorest person is obligated to find someone in greater need and to share what they
have with him."
I believe that we should accept the proposition that expressions of gratitude for the life we
are given and for the wonders that surround us can take the form of doing good deeds for others.
Such acts of kindness can be quite simple, such as allowing a car to break into traffic ahead of
you; or offering a person decidedly in a hurry the opportunity to get in line before you at the post
office or at Publix; or just to hold a door open for someone. When we engage in acts of kindness
we are contributing to Tikkun olam - healing the world.
It may seem beyond our individual capabilities to heal the world, but that is exactly what
we can do. The idea of "tikkun olam" is that if we are blessed with good health or abundant
resources, it is because G-d has provided us the means to help others. How can we encourage
such unselfish behavior? Individual acts to help those who are in need in our community often
happen spontaneously, and may go unnoticed, except perhaps by the beneficiary. However, with
everyone seemingly fully occupied with their own lives, it can be productive to take action to
facilitate acts of kindness. In other words, our innate capacity to heal the world can use a little
help. One example in our congregation is the Bikkur Cholim Committee, which literally means
"visiting the sick." Volunteers provide an important service by being available to visit patients
when families and close friends cannot be there. I am certain that you can think of many other
such examples, whether it is helping to provide meals and shelter for the homeless, assistance
for the elderly or comfort for individuals under hospice care. Manifestly, there are many avenues
for Tikkun Olam in our community, and each person needs to find his or her own way of helping
those individuals and families who are in need. I believe that what is most important from the
perspective of the Jewish tradition is to understand that when we help others we are, at the same
time, thanking G-d for our own blessings.
My own experience reflects this view. I had a fulfilling career as a research scientist, and
although I volunteered for various organizations, it was usually in an administrative capacity just
how many committee meetings can one organization have, I often wondered. Then, about 25
years ago, I moved my parents from New England to Florida. My father died soon afterwards, and
my mother, suffering from increasing dementia, lived in an assisted living facility and then in a
nursing home here in Gainesville. This went on for nearly a decade, and I realized that this
experience took a toll on me and on my family. Frankly, I thought I would never want to visit a
nursing home again. When I retired, I surprised myself and my family by enrolling in the Florida School of
Massage. Part of the training was in a nursing home, and I found that I was quite comfortable in
that environment. This training led to my volunteering to visit and provide massage therapy to
individuals served by the Maimonides Society, a Jewish service group, and by Haven Hospice.
Before long, I was hired by Haven Hospice as their first massage therapist. My assignment was
to provide therapy to hospice patients in nursing homes and assisted living facilities in Gainesville
and Starke. I felt enriched and grateful for this experience, but ultimately decided to return to
retirement. My first try at retirement had lasted only a few weeks.
Now, long after I began this journey, I am again a volunteer, visiting patients at Haven
Hospice, as well as visiting nursing home residents through the Bikkur Cholim committee of
Congregation B'nai Israel and the Maimonides Society.
So, I have come full circle. I am thankful for the opportunity that I had to care for my
mother so many years ago. As difficult as it was, it provided me with the empathy and skills
needed to visit individuals with serious illnesses. This was my path.
I am convinced that in our own way, each of us contributes every day to healing the
world, and by doing so, we are expressing gratitude for our abundance of blessings.
A Presentation on Gratitude
By Herb Oberlander
B'nai Israel - November 24, 2009
"Modeh ani lefonechah…" So, begin the first words of a Jew's morning prayers. "I am
grateful to You, living, enduring God, for restoring my soul to me in compassion."("Siddur Sim
Shalom") This is followed with an expression of gratefulness: "for the gift of our body", for the "Gift
of Torah" and for the "gift of Compassion." The morning prayers continue with these words:
…"Strengthen our desire to do good deeds….May we find grace, love and compassion in your
sight and in the sight of all who look upon us…Grant us a full measure of lovingkindness. Praised
be you, Lord who bestows lovingkindness upon us."
Notice that in these prayers said daily by observant Jews, there is an emphasis not only
on what we receive from G-d that directly benefits us; the gift of life itself as we awaken to a new
day but also, most remarkably, the gift of compassion. Our prayer book is replete with prayers of
thankfulness, and yet it is the plea to "strengthen our desire to do good deeds" that stands out to
me.
I never fail to be in awe of the words of Isaiah(57:14-58:14), which are chanted at the
conclusion of the Torah service on Yom Kippur the Day of Atonement, traditionally a day of
fasting. "Is this the fast I desire, a day for men to starve their bodies? Is it bowing the head like a
bulrush and lying in sackcloth and ashes? Do you call that a fast, A day when the Lord is
favorable? No, this is the fast I desire. To let the oppressed go free; to break off every yoke. It is
to share your bread with the hungry, And to take the homeless into your home: To clothe the
naked. Then shall your light burst through like the dawn and your healing spring up quickly".
(Adapted from "Etz Hayim")
What do we learn from these daily prayers and from the Prophet, Isaiah? I believe that
we learn to be grateful for the capacity to have compassion on others and to do deeds of loving
kindness; and that this, in turn, will result in our own healing. In harmony with this theme. Rabbi
Kaiman shared with me a wonderful book written by Rabbi Henry Glazer, a congregational rabbi
for many years, who now serves as a hospice and hospital chaplain. He entitled his book "I Thank
Therefore I Am: Gratefulness as Healing." Glazer's title is an acknowledged take-off of "I think
therefore I Am." The original statement by the philosopher, Rene Descartes, attests to our
acceptance of our own existence, that if we can ask the question, we must exist.
Rabbi Glazer's formulation refers not to our existence, but to our humanity.
"Gratefulness" is at the core of what it means to be a human being, and, in fact, we can only feel
complete and whole if we engage in acts of compassion. That is how we express "Gratitude," and
we are grateful for being able to do so.
Now I would like you to consider whether we can or should equate expressions of
gratitude with acts of lovingkindness. Dr. Wendy Mogel ("Gratitude-Attitude"Jewish-Holiday.com)
suggests that in the Jewish tradition there is a priority of "deed" over "creed." That is, "doing the
right thing is more important than feeling the correct feeling"….But our tradition also asserts that
beginning with morning prayers one should offer blessings and thanks to G-d 100 times per day.
Dr. Mogel asserts that "Giving to others can also be a way to acknowledge one's blessings. In
Judaism everyone is supposed to think of themselves as having more than they need. (Thus)
even the poorest person is obligated to find someone in greater need and to share what they
have with him."
I believe that we should accept the proposition that expressions of gratitude for the life we
are given and for the wonders that surround us can take the form of doing good deeds for others.
Such acts of kindness can be quite simple, such as allowing a car to break into traffic ahead of
you; or offering a person decidedly in a hurry the opportunity to get in line before you at the post
office or at Publix; or just to hold a door open for someone. When we engage in acts of kindness
we are contributing to Tikkun olam - healing the world.
It may seem beyond our individual capabilities to heal the world, but that is exactly what
we can do. The idea of "tikkun olam" is that if we are blessed with good health or abundant
resources, it is because G-d has provided us the means to help others. How can we encourage
such unselfish behavior? Individual acts to help those who are in need in our community often
happen spontaneously, and may go unnoticed, except perhaps by the beneficiary. However, with
everyone seemingly fully occupied with their own lives, it can be productive to take action to
facilitate acts of kindness. In other words, our innate capacity to heal the world can use a little
help. One example in our congregation is the Bikkur Cholim Committee, which literally means
"visiting the sick." Volunteers provide an important service by being available to visit patients
when families and close friends cannot be there. I am certain that you can think of many other
such examples, whether it is helping to provide meals and shelter for the homeless, assistance
for the elderly or comfort for individuals under hospice care. Manifestly, there are many avenues
for Tikkun Olam in our community, and each person needs to find his or her own way of helping
those individuals and families who are in need. I believe that what is most important from the
perspective of the Jewish tradition is to understand that when we help others we are, at the same
time, thanking G-d for our own blessings.
My own experience reflects this view. I had a fulfilling career as a research scientist, and
although I volunteered for various organizations, it was usually in an administrative capacity just
how many committee meetings can one organization have, I often wondered. Then, about 25
years ago, I moved my parents from New England to Florida. My father died soon afterwards, and
my mother, suffering from increasing dementia, lived in an assisted living facility and then in a
nursing home here in Gainesville. This went on for nearly a decade, and I realized that this
experience took a toll on me and on my family. Frankly, I thought I would never want to visit a
nursing home again. When I retired, I surprised myself and my family by enrolling in the Florida School of
Massage. Part of the training was in a nursing home, and I found that I was quite comfortable in
that environment. This training led to my volunteering to visit and provide massage therapy to
individuals served by the Maimonides Society, a Jewish service group, and by Haven Hospice.
Before long, I was hired by Haven Hospice as their first massage therapist. My assignment was
to provide therapy to hospice patients in nursing homes and assisted living facilities in Gainesville
and Starke. I felt enriched and grateful for this experience, but ultimately decided to return to
retirement. My first try at retirement had lasted only a few weeks.
Now, long after I began this journey, I am again a volunteer, visiting patients at Haven
Hospice, as well as visiting nursing home residents through the Bikkur Cholim committee of
Congregation B'nai Israel and the Maimonides Society.
So, I have come full circle. I am thankful for the opportunity that I had to care for my
mother so many years ago. As difficult as it was, it provided me with the empathy and skills
needed to visit individuals with serious illnesses. This was my path.
I am convinced that in our own way, each of us contributes every day to healing the
world, and by doing so, we are expressing gratitude for our abundance of blessings.
Copyright 2009 Rabbi David Kaiman